indigo.

It's one of those nights, or rather day, where I feel an extreme insecurity within. Been listening to Aqualung. Songs like Breaking my heart again, Easier to lie, Strange and beautiful. It seems all too familiar. This feeling, this scenario--sitting alone in the living room at 2.20 am blogging out of a sudden urge-- is kinda like deja vu.

Do I think too much for my own good? Or is this thinking gonna do actual goodness? Is it good to think twice and thrice? Is it good to be wary, to doubt, to put up my guards, to question, to check, to analyze? Am I reading too much into it? But my actual thoughts were never really wrong. I was wrong to disregard the initial doubts, to go ahead pretending it is alright, or it will be alright. And then, I end up being stupid. And being stupid for not being careful is one thing, whereas being stupid for being careful and yet getting cheated eventually is another thing. It just proves nothing about my intelligence. My thinking and worrying has gone to nought. It might as well not have been done anyway.

Im ranting, Im ranting. It is a bad sign. I just knew I cant expect good things to happen to me. I wish someone would tell me that this time, this time I truly deserve a break from all the uncertainties and misfortunes and whatnots. Convince me that I have no need to worry, that I can lay my head down and rest with a peace of mind that Im in good hands. Will you?